"Teacher, when's daddy coming back?" "Never, because he doesn't love you or mommy anymore."

Question:
My husband and I are in the process of getting a divorce. How much information should I give my child's teacher about the situation?

He says:
I'm assuming your kid's still in elementary school, because after that you're lucky if the teacher even knows their name. I didn't even know that this would be an issue. I suppose you should just tell them the basics, my husband and I are splitting and he/she should be treated with a little sensitivity. That's really all I have for this one. If all else fails, just do what my mom did. Throw a candy bar into the classroom and run like hell once the kid's distracted.

She says:
I know first hand the tragedy of divorce and the effects it has on you and your children. If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a country to get them through a divorce.

You are completely right to be thinking about your child’s education in the midst of all that is going on. That shows how unselfish you are.

Teachers have unique careers that allow them to see it all. No matter what your current family situation is, they have seen it and worse. They are special people who through experience and education know how to be non-judgmental when it comes to family matters. There is no reason to be worried about being judged by your child’s teacher. I think it is very important to let your teacher know what is going on with your family in a non-biased way.

For instance, your teacher knowing that your child might be having a difficult time might help explain some possible behavioral issues that can be addressed differently than normal disciplinary procedures. It might explain a possible lack of interest in education and class work. Knowledge is power and you and your teacher need to be well equipped with as much knowledge as possible to assure that your child get the education he needs. Leaving a teacher in the dark about these serious issues may cause more stress on your child. For example, your child starts skipping classes or starts acting out and the teacher, per normal disciplinary procedures, gives your child time out, detention, you might even start receiving negative notes home. This will only add to your child’s current stress. However, if the teacher had the basic knowledge of why this child might be acting out, then he/she could find more constructive ways of dealing with the negative behavior.

Be sure that when you are explaining the situation to your teacher that it is all you are doing. Explain only. Do not vent. Although knowledge is power, your child’s teacher does not need to know who is getting the house, the grounds for divorce or anything that would put the other parent in a negative light. When it comes to your child’s education and emotional health-, it is not about you. It takes a village, and all those village members need to stay focused on the well-being of the child only.

This is most likely one of the hardest thing you and your children will go through together. It sounds like you are already on the right track with the appropriate concerns.

Good luck to all of you.

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