Question:
My husband and I are in the process of getting a divorce. How much information should I give my child's teacher about the situation?
He says:
I'm assuming your kid's still in elementary school, because after that you're lucky if the teacher even knows their name. I didn't even know that this would be an issue. I suppose you should just tell them the basics, my husband and I are splitting and he/she should be treated with a little sensitivity. That's really all I have for this one. If all else fails, just do what my mom did. Throw a candy bar into the classroom and run like hell once the kid's distracted.
She says:
I know first hand the tragedy of divorce and the effects it has on you and your children. If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a country to get them through a divorce.
You are completely right to be thinking about your child’s education in the midst of all that is going on. That shows how unselfish you are.
Teachers have unique careers that allow them to see it all. No matter what your current family situation is, they have seen it and worse. They are special people who through experience and education know how to be non-judgmental when it comes to family matters. There is no reason to be worried about being judged by your child’s teacher. I think it is very important to let your teacher know what is going on with your family in a non-biased way.
For instance, your teacher knowing that your child might be having a difficult time might help explain some possible behavioral issues that can be addressed differently than normal disciplinary procedures. It might explain a possible lack of interest in education and class work. Knowledge is power and you and your teacher need to be well equipped with as much knowledge as possible to assure that your child get the education he needs. Leaving a teacher in the dark about these serious issues may cause more stress on your child. For example, your child starts skipping classes or starts acting out and the teacher, per normal disciplinary procedures, gives your child time out, detention, you might even start receiving negative notes home. This will only add to your child’s current stress. However, if the teacher had the basic knowledge of why this child might be acting out, then he/she could find more constructive ways of dealing with the negative behavior.
Be sure that when you are explaining the situation to your teacher that it is all you are doing. Explain only. Do not vent. Although knowledge is power, your child’s teacher does not need to know who is getting the house, the grounds for divorce or anything that would put the other parent in a negative light. When it comes to your child’s education and emotional health-, it is not about you. It takes a village, and all those village members need to stay focused on the well-being of the child only.
This is most likely one of the hardest thing you and your children will go through together. It sounds like you are already on the right track with the appropriate concerns.
Good luck to all of you.
If you have a question you would like answered, email us at disenchantedyouths@gmail.com
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a prozac today.
Question:
I run into depression about 3 to 4 times a year, every year since I was about 12 (I'm 16). I go to counselors, and all that other stuff. They've given me things like zoloft, and prozak and all that shit, but it just doesn't work for me. This was the year that I attempted suicide, I spent 2 days in the hospital. They were going to institutionalize me, but they didn't. Ever since then I've been in and out of the hospital for stupid nonscence, but after awhile I got over it. Everything seemed to get a lot better, but now, it's all coming back. I cut off a lot of people from my life, and quite actually completly ignored them, and now I'm stuck with the why's and what's. Now I'm trying to fix broken relationships, and hopefully repair all my "burnt bridges." Now, for the problem, or the thing I needed help with. I want to get my peers back, I want to go out and have fun, but the energy and the want is gone. Like, when I think about it I really want to do it, and I really want to figure it out, but when the time comes to do it I back out. I don't know why I can't just jump back into my old life. I guess I just need modivation, but I just don't know who to get it from. Maybe you can help.
He Says:
I wish I could give you some magic advice here that would be an instant cure for depression...but I don't. Trust me, I'd have used that shit years ago. Here's what I can tell you.
As far as medications go, you have to take the fact that everyone's body chemistry is different into consideration. I personally went through a variety, some with disastrous results, until I found the right combination that let me function with out breaking down on an hourly basis. If you already feel that it's not for you, then stick with that, but don't think it's pointless. Hell,right now I'm on three regular prescriptions and vicodin because my jaw hates me and I'm feeling preeeety good.
You say you've been in the hospital for stupid nonsense that you got over later on. The key here is this; when something happens to you and it upsets you, analyze it. Think about it from every angle. How it affects you now, how it will in the next day, week, months. When we're in the midst of depression/mania it's hard to see the big picture. It's all about slowing your mind down enough to realize it's nonsense before it goes too far.
Repairing those broken relationships is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but I commend you for trying. These people have probably been burnt, seen you at your worst and fluctuate between that and happy too many times to count. So, now when you tell them you're ok, they won't believe you because it's the same old song. Explain to them that you're not better, completely, but you are working on it. Relapses are going to happen, it's inevitable. If they don't understand that, they're not the kind of solid foundation you need.
The hard truth is that you may never be able to jump back into your 'old life'. People grow, change and move on. This could be what's happening here. You can't force it, that'll make it worse. If you're not in the mood to go out, don't beat yourself up over it. Don't let anyone else do this either. The only thing I can really tell you is to take things at your own speed. There's no rush, in fact rushing could be what got you in this mess to begin with.
She Says:
Get your motivation from yourself and stop whining.
Speaking of medication, when your dog dies, you do not need Prozac or any other of the stupid highly advertised mind-altering drugs out there. I cannot believe that this started when you were twelve and no one thought to let you ride out your puberty sober. Hormones are crazy natural things that are meant to be dealt with. Your problem is you do not deal with them. You actually do nothing. I am supposed to give you some golden advice on how to stay motivated as if you will actually take it. You are sad. I am sad. Lets all just be sad together and listen to emo songs and have a read aloud suicide note story time. Seriously? Suck it.
You want your peers back. Let me ask you- what exactly do you do all day? Who do you interact with? Do you actually want to get your peers back? Or do you just want another thing in your life to whine about because you want to fit in with all the other medication carrying pubescents?
Get out! Walk everyday and stop feeding your face with Taco Bell and Ramen Noodles. Stop whining. Stop feeling oh so sorry for yourself and talking about your so called damned depression. I have found that the majority of depressed people I meet are also the most egocentric cheese brains. You have made me so upset that I have come up with the term “cheese brains.” That is most likely the most productive thing you have done this year. Good on ya, it is only June!
No offense to Davlin and Myself, but our little advice blog will not be your motivation. If you want to do something, you will do it. I do not want you to be depressed. I know that some people out there do suffer from chemical imbalances and medication may help. It should not be a first resort or ever prescribed to any one younger than 18, in my unprofessional opinion. If you have mild depression (which it seems you do, only having occurrences every so often) then get an intercoursin’ gym membership. Meet new people if you are scared to re-connect with your old ones. Get involved in something. A charity, a sport, a club- anything that does something good for someone other than yourself. At the very least, stop wasting your time looking for motivation outside yourself.
Maybe then, you will start improving (or at least start living) your life and your brain will become less cheddar-y.
Well, that's all for today. If you'd like us to help you out, or feel worse about yourself I'm not sure which, then put down the razorblade and drop us a line at disenchantedyouths@gmail.com
I run into depression about 3 to 4 times a year, every year since I was about 12 (I'm 16). I go to counselors, and all that other stuff. They've given me things like zoloft, and prozak and all that shit, but it just doesn't work for me. This was the year that I attempted suicide, I spent 2 days in the hospital. They were going to institutionalize me, but they didn't. Ever since then I've been in and out of the hospital for stupid nonscence, but after awhile I got over it. Everything seemed to get a lot better, but now, it's all coming back. I cut off a lot of people from my life, and quite actually completly ignored them, and now I'm stuck with the why's and what's. Now I'm trying to fix broken relationships, and hopefully repair all my "burnt bridges." Now, for the problem, or the thing I needed help with. I want to get my peers back, I want to go out and have fun, but the energy and the want is gone. Like, when I think about it I really want to do it, and I really want to figure it out, but when the time comes to do it I back out. I don't know why I can't just jump back into my old life. I guess I just need modivation, but I just don't know who to get it from. Maybe you can help.
He Says:
I wish I could give you some magic advice here that would be an instant cure for depression...but I don't. Trust me, I'd have used that shit years ago. Here's what I can tell you.
As far as medications go, you have to take the fact that everyone's body chemistry is different into consideration. I personally went through a variety, some with disastrous results, until I found the right combination that let me function with out breaking down on an hourly basis. If you already feel that it's not for you, then stick with that, but don't think it's pointless. Hell,right now I'm on three regular prescriptions and vicodin because my jaw hates me and I'm feeling preeeety good.
You say you've been in the hospital for stupid nonsense that you got over later on. The key here is this; when something happens to you and it upsets you, analyze it. Think about it from every angle. How it affects you now, how it will in the next day, week, months. When we're in the midst of depression/mania it's hard to see the big picture. It's all about slowing your mind down enough to realize it's nonsense before it goes too far.
Repairing those broken relationships is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but I commend you for trying. These people have probably been burnt, seen you at your worst and fluctuate between that and happy too many times to count. So, now when you tell them you're ok, they won't believe you because it's the same old song. Explain to them that you're not better, completely, but you are working on it. Relapses are going to happen, it's inevitable. If they don't understand that, they're not the kind of solid foundation you need.
The hard truth is that you may never be able to jump back into your 'old life'. People grow, change and move on. This could be what's happening here. You can't force it, that'll make it worse. If you're not in the mood to go out, don't beat yourself up over it. Don't let anyone else do this either. The only thing I can really tell you is to take things at your own speed. There's no rush, in fact rushing could be what got you in this mess to begin with.
She Says:
Get your motivation from yourself and stop whining.
Speaking of medication, when your dog dies, you do not need Prozac or any other of the stupid highly advertised mind-altering drugs out there. I cannot believe that this started when you were twelve and no one thought to let you ride out your puberty sober. Hormones are crazy natural things that are meant to be dealt with. Your problem is you do not deal with them. You actually do nothing. I am supposed to give you some golden advice on how to stay motivated as if you will actually take it. You are sad. I am sad. Lets all just be sad together and listen to emo songs and have a read aloud suicide note story time. Seriously? Suck it.
You want your peers back. Let me ask you- what exactly do you do all day? Who do you interact with? Do you actually want to get your peers back? Or do you just want another thing in your life to whine about because you want to fit in with all the other medication carrying pubescents?
Get out! Walk everyday and stop feeding your face with Taco Bell and Ramen Noodles. Stop whining. Stop feeling oh so sorry for yourself and talking about your so called damned depression. I have found that the majority of depressed people I meet are also the most egocentric cheese brains. You have made me so upset that I have come up with the term “cheese brains.” That is most likely the most productive thing you have done this year. Good on ya, it is only June!
No offense to Davlin and Myself, but our little advice blog will not be your motivation. If you want to do something, you will do it. I do not want you to be depressed. I know that some people out there do suffer from chemical imbalances and medication may help. It should not be a first resort or ever prescribed to any one younger than 18, in my unprofessional opinion. If you have mild depression (which it seems you do, only having occurrences every so often) then get an intercoursin’ gym membership. Meet new people if you are scared to re-connect with your old ones. Get involved in something. A charity, a sport, a club- anything that does something good for someone other than yourself. At the very least, stop wasting your time looking for motivation outside yourself.
Maybe then, you will start improving (or at least start living) your life and your brain will become less cheddar-y.
Well, that's all for today. If you'd like us to help you out, or feel worse about yourself I'm not sure which, then put down the razorblade and drop us a line at disenchantedyouths@gmail.com
Monday, June 8, 2009
This just got real.
Question:
When I was a boy, I was raped repeatally by a relative. (subject is male) Now that I am older, I prefer to have sex with other males. Did being raped by a man turn me gay?
She says:
While it is extremely unfortunate that you went through such an emotional turmoil when you were younger, the only effect it had on you is the effect you let it. If you prefer to have sex with males, then it is just your preference. Straight people do not grow up and have heterosexual sex because they were raped by the opposite sex. It happens, and it is always horrible. However, it does not determine our sexual preference later on in life. The only reason to blame your sexuality on your past experience is because you are now feeling guilty or wrong for wanting sex with men and now you are looking for something to blame it on. Stop looking. Blame is always a useless exercise and always succeeds in getting you no where. Figure out why you think having sex with a man is wrong and then work from there. As for the events that took place earlier in life, I just want you to know that there are plenty of hotlines and groups who are very well trained on this subject. The fact the you had the courage to talk to someone at all about your situation speaks volumes about you. You are a survivor and will get through this just fine.
He says:
Ok, since Lily just about took all the good advice, I choose to go on an analytical rant. Join me, won't you?
I do disagree with her on the fact that you are ashamed of your sexuality. It sounds to me as if you are simply searching for an answer, not necessarily someone to pass the blame to. This brings up a very valid question, why are we attracted to the things we are attracted to? Why is one guy into scat, while another can't get it up unless he's dressed up like a baby? Who the hell knows? We are the way we are, that's all there is to it. As long as what you're into isn't breaking any major laws or hurting anyone, I say embrace it. Life is full of too much bullshit to deprive yourself of another thing that makes you happy.
All this being said, that kind of abuse can seriously affect your sex life itself. For the first ten years of my life I went through a situation not unlike your own. While it didn't make me gay, quite the contrary actually, it did have a drastic effect on my attitude. To this day when I'm with someone new for the first time, I mentally won't allow it to. I get nauseous whenever another guy comes into my personal space, especially if I don't know them. I've also been obsessed with sex since way before most of my friends even knew what it was. Those are more likely to be the ramifications of some sick fuck doing what he did. Just know that you aren't alone, some people do feel your pain and I truly am sorry. The only other gems I have for you are to embrace the person you've become and leave the past behind you. It's where that shit belongs.
When I was a boy, I was raped repeatally by a relative. (subject is male) Now that I am older, I prefer to have sex with other males. Did being raped by a man turn me gay?
She says:
While it is extremely unfortunate that you went through such an emotional turmoil when you were younger, the only effect it had on you is the effect you let it. If you prefer to have sex with males, then it is just your preference. Straight people do not grow up and have heterosexual sex because they were raped by the opposite sex. It happens, and it is always horrible. However, it does not determine our sexual preference later on in life. The only reason to blame your sexuality on your past experience is because you are now feeling guilty or wrong for wanting sex with men and now you are looking for something to blame it on. Stop looking. Blame is always a useless exercise and always succeeds in getting you no where. Figure out why you think having sex with a man is wrong and then work from there. As for the events that took place earlier in life, I just want you to know that there are plenty of hotlines and groups who are very well trained on this subject. The fact the you had the courage to talk to someone at all about your situation speaks volumes about you. You are a survivor and will get through this just fine.
He says:
Ok, since Lily just about took all the good advice, I choose to go on an analytical rant. Join me, won't you?
I do disagree with her on the fact that you are ashamed of your sexuality. It sounds to me as if you are simply searching for an answer, not necessarily someone to pass the blame to. This brings up a very valid question, why are we attracted to the things we are attracted to? Why is one guy into scat, while another can't get it up unless he's dressed up like a baby? Who the hell knows? We are the way we are, that's all there is to it. As long as what you're into isn't breaking any major laws or hurting anyone, I say embrace it. Life is full of too much bullshit to deprive yourself of another thing that makes you happy.
All this being said, that kind of abuse can seriously affect your sex life itself. For the first ten years of my life I went through a situation not unlike your own. While it didn't make me gay, quite the contrary actually, it did have a drastic effect on my attitude. To this day when I'm with someone new for the first time, I mentally won't allow it to. I get nauseous whenever another guy comes into my personal space, especially if I don't know them. I've also been obsessed with sex since way before most of my friends even knew what it was. Those are more likely to be the ramifications of some sick fuck doing what he did. Just know that you aren't alone, some people do feel your pain and I truly am sorry. The only other gems I have for you are to embrace the person you've become and leave the past behind you. It's where that shit belongs.
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